The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
