This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
how does that bad decision feel?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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