At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
