Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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