when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
