im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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