just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
