youre lurking in front of me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
