Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
