Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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