What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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