I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Boobs speak an international language.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
