Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
