I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
