just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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