Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
