I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is the high leading the old right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
