apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
