People in love make me want to vomit
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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