i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
