um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
