im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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