someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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