sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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