I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
