Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
