Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
