69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
