I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
