He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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