Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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