We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
