Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
