I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
