I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
