there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
