It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
