So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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