I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
