Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
