she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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