Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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