i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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