smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
