there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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