Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
