And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
