You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
