Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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