I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
