hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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