just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
