Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
