not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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