Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
