It's like God shit irony all over that family
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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