can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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