Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I would ride that face into the sunset
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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